We've been in this neighborhood for about 10 months now. We don't know all the neighbor's names yet but we do wave when we see people, often we're the only ones waving.
Mike and I tend to keep to ourselves, I'm not sure why exactly, but we're not outdoors people so we are rarely out puttering in the garden. We don't like sitting in our garage and looking out at the street when we could just as easily sit on our comfy couch inside. Even though I'm literally at home during the day, I have to be at my computer and readily available in case a colleague needs to send me an instant message, in case my boss(es) need to reach me, if I need to jump on a Severity 1 issue and to just plain work. When I walk Gimli, its early in the morning so he can do his business and I can get some exercise in first thing in the morning. When Mike walks Gimli, its in the evening when its a bit cooler. Neither of us prefer walking Gimli during the day because this summer has been fraught with heat waves and its just not safe to exert oneself when its in the 90s or 100s. As a result, we miss the chance stroller meetings and outings to the swings in the park.
Lastly, we don't have the seemingly must have accessory of a brood running behind us.
Now, before you ask why haven't I switched my bracelet to my right hand, I haven't finished my statement.
So I don't come across as accusatory, because why would I ever do that, let's break it down to Mike and I.
I am the ice queen, the frosty Lilith reincarnation who gives the impression I'm better than everyone else, even though I, like the red headed stepchild, am just glad we joined a neighborhood that was so together and knew everyone. I'm boring and don't have much to talk about, perhaps because I'm in the house all the time, perhaps I'm just plain boring. Perhaps I'm too crass or perhaps I swear too much.
Mike is the social one. Mike has the personality to work the room and network and be friendly.
What prompted this? I went into the office today and when I came home, Mike informed me the entire street was invited to the neighbor's, but we weren't. He said he saw everyone walking down the street with assorted covered dishes and I suppose the worst part was Mike had seen the host a few times today but nothing was mentioned.
Memories of high school I suppose, all the cool kids are getting together and the rest are left to find their own way. What can I do to rectify this? I'm not sure right now besides kill people with kindness and pretend we were unaware of the party, because if I don't, then the crass, unfeeling, sarcastic person will come out and that will be much worse. I'm not going to try to make people do something they don't want to do, that's not who I am. I don't give chase, but I do go half way and that's as far as one can go.
Complaint-O-Meter: On day 16.
Hmmm...can't really tell from your post, but is being all social with the neighbours something you want?
ReplyDeleteI've built quite a few new friendships over the last few years and they do take some initial effort in the beginning - some more than others... the ones that keep going nowhere just sort of taper off but a few will build into something that lasts. At a stage of my life where social circles typically dwindle I've been doing the opposite.
Are there particular neighbours that you have any semi-regular contact with? If there is I'd suggest inviting them over for a drink / bbq or something. Foot-in-the-door type thing right? If you don't see your neighbours as often as you say, then it's most likely not any kind of malicious snubbing. Maybe they have a perception of you guys as liking to keep quiet and to yourselves. Maybe combined with your self-described coldness they find you intimidating?
I've often been told that people thought I was angry until they spoke to me for the first time - stupid eyebrows! As far as chasing - I think it's more a matter of people in general being unable to extend themselves too far out of their comfort zone with regards to building social relationships. As you described, your other neighbours most likely see each other more often in minor ways - these build up momentum and it becomes a small step from there to ask someone over for a coffee or something. They might find it awkward and uncomfortable to reach out to you guys just because they've had little contact with you.
If you really want something, you have to go more than halfway sometimes - if it's anything worth pursuing they'll reciprocate that effort pretty quickly and if not, no big deal.
If all else fails, sell your place and move to the city where you'll be less likely to be surrounded by the typical suburbanite family units following their expected life paths.